We leave for the airport in four hours.

I seem to have gone from no blogs to one blog to fifteen dozen blogs in no time flat.  I was writing about things in my life, namely grieving my mother's death, adjusting to being one of my father's caregivers, and preparing for adoption.  In an effort to get myself to blog somewhat regularly and to set my standards higher than just journaling for myself, I announced my blog to my friends and family.  This led to a certain amount of self-censorship.  So I started an unannounced blog, which had a readership of zero, because who knew it existed?  Then one of the really great adoption bloggers I read aked her readers to leave their blog names for her blog roll, so I leapt in and did so.  Still no readers, and by then I was developing a gnawing sense that I'd give the blog the wrong name, as mentioned before.  So I created this blog, named more appropriately, and meant as a place for me to be as honest as I felt comfortable with.  But the one blog roll I'm on lists the blog I no longer use.  Next, our adoption suddenly sped up, and friends and family were clamoring for details.  (Clamoring, I tell you!)  So I started focusing more on the f & f blog.  Then my husband got all forlorn about it, and wanted to start an adoption blog WITH me, not just join the one I had going.  Which brings us up to, let's see, carry the seven, factor of x--does anyone remember, when you're multiplying fractions, do you just go straight across the top and the bottom?--yes, I was right, fifteen dozen blogs. 

And since this is the blunt one, I guess this is the place to say I'm more than a little concerned at how much I'm eating and spending money right now.  I'm like some parody of a pregnant, nesting woman.  But I'm not growing my kids in my body, and there was NO REASON to buy matching bath towels at 10:30 the night before we leave the country to get them.  We ALREADY HAVE bath towels.  And I knew that.  But I bought them anyway.  We are living on one income and are about to double the size of our household, and I'm spending money like...oh I'm too tired to come up with a good simile.  Like the Pentagon? Like I've got a secret Swiss bank account?   Like it will buy me my kids' love?